Paris Hilton is back in the headlines – again!

Happy Birthday to Paris

She was on-stage with the Pussycat Dolls last Saturday to celebrate her birthday (which was actually Feb. 17th).

All Frocked Up With Nowhere to Go

After dropping $4 million on a posh evening gown, Hilton has been banned from attending the 2008 Academy Awards, according to UK reports. A source told Britain’s Daily Star newspaper the heiress may go to the post-Oscar parties but wear a wig “to save her dignity.”

Paris the Actress

Speaking of movies, her latest flick, The Hottie and the Nottie, grossed just $9,000 on opening weekend. Ouch!

Her previous movie efforts include such cinematic masterpieces as Pledge This!, Bottoms Up, House of Wax, The Hillz, Raising Helen, The Cat in the Hat, Wonderland, Nine Lives, Sweetie Pie, and Wishman. She’s also appeared on several TV shows, including American Dreams, Veronica Mars, The O.C., George Lopez, Las Vegas, and The Simple Life (with BFF Nicole Richie).

The 2008 Oscars aren’t the first time Hilton and old Hollywood have clashed. Robert Redford said he feared his Sundance Film Festival was growing too big after seeing Hilton attend parties associated with the event.

Hilton allegedly also played a role in breaking up the six-month long marriage of One Tree Hill co-stars Sophia Bush and Chad Michael Murray. Hilton and Murray co-starred in 2005’s House of Wax. Cameron Diaz reportedly dumped boyfriend Jared Leto in 2001 when he was spotted in a Malibu restaurant feeding Hilton oysters.

Paris the Singer

Everyone laughed when Paris said she planned to release an album, but surprisingly, it wasn’t as dreadful as we expected. Her debut single Stars Are Blind reached no. 18 on the U.S. Billboard charts, but her second single Nothing In This World barely registered and Warner Bros. announced it had no plans to release another album by Hilton after selling only 77,000 copies of her LP.

Hilton shocked revelers at a Las Vegas nightclub when she got up to perform but ended up vomiting on stage instead. Lip synching is tricky at the best of times, but even harder when, um, unwell.

Is she at least respected by her peers in the music industry? Sadly not. Elton John reportedly banned her from his future post-Oscar parties after she failed to make a compulsory donation to the rocker’s AIDS charity. Madonna criticized her for “dabbling” in Kaballah, while Jessica Simpson’s ex Nick Lachey said, “If I wanted a bimbo, I would have married Paris Hilton.”

Paris the Pet Owner

Paris is under investigation by the Los Angeles Department of Animal Services after boasting about owning 17 pets on the Ellen DeGeneres show. She apparently didn’t realise it is illegal to have more than three dogs at any one non-kennel, non-breeder, residential address in LA. They paid her home a visit but her dogs were not there. They left a message with a maid and now plan to return to conduct a full inspection. If she really has 17 animals in her home, we’re sure the maid will be glad to see them go.

She distanced herself from ridiculous stories that she has been looking out for drunken elephants in India. Shame, Savvy quite liked those.

In 2005, she was slammed by an animal rights group for reportedly dumping her dog Tinkerbell because it grew too big. A year earlier, when Tinkerbell went missing, she offered a mere $5,000 reward for the chihuahua’s return. It turned out the dog was with her grandparents the whole time.

Paris the Jailbird

Paris defiantly said, “No one is above the law (and)… I’m ready to face the consequences,” but her tune quickly changed. She urged her fans to petition the governor to pardon her for violating her probation on a 2006 drunk-driving charge, saying “I don’t deserve jail.” While on probation, she was pulled over for driving without headlights on and ignoring her suspended license – which is what landed her in the slammer.

There were howls of protest and cries of a double standard when the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department released Hilton from jail after only three days. When Civil Rights leader, the Rev. Al Sharpton, goes on TV to criticise you, you know your get-out-of-jail-card has been trumped.

Special treatment? Surely not! The sheriff’s department merely separated her from the other inmates and gave her access to a cordless phone instead of being forced to wait in line to use a payphone at certain hours. She was also given a new jail uniform rather than the recycled ones worn by inmates and had her mail delivered by a captain instead of the inmate trustees. This circus produced an alleged media bidding war for the first post-jail interview, which went to Larry King.

Paris Under Pressure

We remember how Paris the jailbird vowed after completing her 23 day sentence in the Lynwood Jail to be a better person and help the less fortunate, but then indefinitely postponed her much-hyped charity trip to Rwanda in order to go party elsewhere.

She didn’t get off scot-free, however. U.S. talk show host David Letterman grilled her for six minutes with questions about her time in jail. Comedienne Sarah Silverman also made her squirm in her seat at the MTV Movie Awards. And don’t forget the ‘Stupid Spoiled Whore Video’ parody on South Park.

With Friends Like Paris

Consider Lindsey Lohan, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, and Mary-Kate Olsen. Who can forget Hilton’s ‘fire crotch’ moment with LA oil heir Brandon Davis poking fun at Lindsey’s personal hygiene while Hilton laughed or how she replaced the rehabbing Lohan at a New Year’s Eve party and took the whopping $1 million paycheck (Hilton also denied hacking into Lohan’s BlackBerry and sending offensive messages to her friends from it).

Or how she recently got kissy-kissy in a nightclub with Brit’s ex, Kevin Federline.

Or how she outted Christina, who had been denying reports she was expecting a baby.

She did however step up to defend Spears’ parenting, saying, “She’s young, and if she wants to go out and have some fun, let her.” As for Mary-Kate, she introduced Hilton to her ex-boyfriend, Greek shipping heir Stavros Niarchos, who proceeded to date the socialite.

Paris in Love

She’s been romantically linked to Backstreet Boy Nick Carter, former porn star Simon Rex, Leonardo DiCaprio, Jamie Kennedy, Sum 41 singer Deryck Whibley, Colin Farrell, Australian Idol contestant Rob Mills, Greek shipping heirs Stavros Niarchos and Paris Latsis, Edward Furlong, and, we’re sure, others. For her part, Paris claims to have a low sex drive. We say, low compared to what?

Paris the Genius

Clearly, Paris is not the smartest cookie in the jar. For example, how smart is it to abandon diaries, photographs and personal items (including video of uttering racial and gay slurs) in an LA storage lock-up when you are constantly stalked by paparazzi starved for some morsel of scandal to sell?

And how smart was it to tell talk show host Larry King she has never taken drugs when TheSmokingGun.com had video footage of her allegedly smoking pot and smuggling drugs from The Netherlands to the U.S.? How smart was it to film herself saying, “You wanna smoke pot? I have the best pot.”

She also denied knowing actor Tom Sizemore -- who claimed to know her intimately -- but changed her story after a photo was produced of the two together. She was cleared of allegations she offered teens alcohol and marijuana before taping a segment of her reality show to “loosen them up.”

In 2005, Hilton was slammed for attending the Live 8 concert in London even though she knew little about African poverty or the concert’s aim to persuade leaders to cancel debt in the developing world. In 2006, she told police investigators she was not a reliable witness in a case concerning a robbery at a producer’s home because “I’m not like [sic] that smart.”

Pay for Paris

She recently went on Letterman’s show to promote her new movie, as well as her sparkling wine, cell phone videogame and shoe, jewelry, watch, scent and clothing lines. She had two Florida nightclubs named after her, but she was fired after failing to attend scheduled appearances.

Paris in the Future

What could be ahead for Hilton? It’s hard to imagine the 27-year-old heiress continuing to maintain her stranglehold over the headlines when younger, more scandalous starlets are on the horizon.

Can we ever really get tired of Paris Hilton? It looks that way. In a recent poll to determine the most-likeable female celebrity, she had a 9 percent likeability rating and topped the list for the most over-exposed celebrity with a 75 percent rating. Renowned author Camille Paglia blamed her for destroying strides in the feminist movement by lowering herself and “obliterating all sexual mystery and glamour.”

Whatever the future holds, Hilton has secured her place in history as a monument to narcissism, shallow intellect and materialism. Her grandfather has pledged to bequeath 97% of the family’s billions to charity, which will reportedly cost Paris about $60-$100 million in inheritance.

Don’t you just love karma?

Quotes

“I always get out (of speeding tickets). The cop always ends up giving me his business card and saying, ‘Let’s go to dinner tonight.’ But I never call them. I got a few tickets from girl cops, though.”

“That’s hot.”

“I’ve grown up a lot overnight. The people I associate with now are good people. I’ve been rethinking everything, but my head is on straight.” (from a 2003 interview)

“I went to Wal-Mart for the first time. I always thought they sold wallpaper. I didn’t realize it has everything.”

_______

All photos and information is sourced from web sites deemed to be within the public domain.